God Weighs In On The Gays

God: What's on the schedule for today?

Angel: Well, there's famine, like, everywhere. And violence. And war, hate, bombings, fire ants, blister packaging, and fitted sheets that keep slipping off the corners of mattresses.

God: Wow. I had no idea it was that bad.

Angel: Oh, and the gays.

God: What about them?

Angel: You know, same old same old. Homophobia, gay marriage protests, the whole "special rights" argument, blah, blah, blah. 

God: Seriously? Still?

Angel: Yeah, I know, right?

God: Are they still using Leviticus and Sodom and Gomorrah to back up their claims?

Angel: Yes, unfortunately. We've sent out memos, but people still aren't getting it.

God:  Ugh...look, can we just rent some billboards or something? Put up signs that say "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT ABOUT THE GAYS" or "YOU'RE READING INTO THIS TOO MUCH."

Angel: We've done billboards. I don't think they're working.

God: Oh...well, what about some sort of divine sign?

Angel: If Elton John isn't enough of a divine sign that you're blessing the gays, I don't know what else is.

God: Ah, yes, Elton. Brilliant. You know he gets his talent from me, right? Oh, and don't forget Ellen. I just love her, isn't she the greatest? Do you watch her show? Hilarious!

Angel: Yeah, I'm a big fan. Listen, we need a solution here.

God: Right, right. Ok, ok, I got it. How about we hold a press conference?  Just Jesus and I and some reporters, nothing fancy. Make sure it airs on FOX, I want to see the looks on their faces. And invite Ann Coulter while you're at it.

Angel: I don't think that's a good idea. Do you really want all that publicity? Phones ringing off the hook up here, thousands of emails, people wanting book signings and photo ops, I don't think it's worth it, truthfully. 

God:  Yeah, you're right. Hey! I've got it! What if we just automatically give all the gays who get to Heaven VIP status? You know they eat that stuff up! They'll love it!

Angel: That's brilliant! Always with the great ideas. Seriously, how do you do it?

God:  I'm God.

Angel:  Right, right.